Threatened Talent Case
His hands were around my neck as I set in my one bedroom apartment dealing with depression, lack of employment, scrutiny and more. This was a person I called a friend. This person now was an enemy. How could I be so stupid? The question I asked myself after he left. I stayed in my room for another 4 or 5 days, there was no way I was ready to deal with this. "You let me do it" his accent stated as he constantly pushed my hands towards his penis that he pulled out after informing me he was engaged and we were friends. Since he wasn't married yet it was okay to "play".
Hey why hi! It's me Chanel Chambers and as you know by now yes I love fashion, yes I love music but more than anything I love bringing up pressing issues that deal with real life. The conversations people want to throw under the rug until it happens to them.
This blog entry is about the reality there are people in life that believe if you receive Link card, Section 8 or any government assistance to get on your feet then you deserve the harsh realities of the places, people and circumstances that comes with not have a thriving career.
I was shocked needless to say. This was a person who I had known for years, he and I were cool but I did not know his hands would be so tight on my throat after sending me a text and saying he wanted to apologize for not doing as he stated. I stopped moving in fear of killing him. Not in fear of him but in fear of the repercussions. I saw myself defending myself and not stopping and so I just got quite. "Are you afraid of me" those were the words he asked and I only thought to myself I'm afraid of you not getting up if I begin. "No" was my answer.
I am an American, born and raised on the south side of Chicago. Actually raised all over Chicago. I went to Beasley Academic Center for grammar school and would often be told to tell stories in front of the class by my teacher Ms. Williams. She would pick me every week at least once a week and I got to make up wonderful stories to tell to the other children usually during recess or snack time. Little did I know I would be preparing to tell my stories on stages world wide.
I want you to know and understand this is an actual event. This is not one of those cool stories that end with a wonderful laughing ending and gets the crowd going and everyone tells me how sweet I am. No, this is the behind the closed door battles I've had to deal with most of my life. The on going cycle of abuse and quit frankly I'm tired of it.
As he was getting ready to leave he asked me if we were still cool. I was so confused, had I brought this on myself. Was it because the only piece of furniture that was in my home was the "free" bed I received along with my apartment when I first got back to Chicago? Was it because I didn't have a job, or was I a walking billboard for abuse.
I began to realize I was people's escape goat to take their frustrations out on and as long as I was quite and unknown they could get away with it. In their mind, she has no money, she has no friends, she has no one, who will care. This is where this blog and future videos will come in.
She's a hoe, a whore, I slept with her. The excuses person's I reached out for help over and over used in the back of their mind why they never intervened. So I realized, only person who could save me was me.
In the past 5 years I had been hospitalized for suicide attempts, depression and literally almost losing my mind. I had black out spells due to being in my home and having slight anxiety attacks. These usually happened after I visualized and replayed in my mind what happened. Do you know what the person I had known for years wanted after I moved out of the shelter. The married couple came and got me from my new apartment which was based for veterans dealing with homelessness, cooked a meal, gave me a drink and the wife's response was "aww man Chanel I thought we were going to have sex". As I requested to go home the food and plates I was offered no longer were available. I thought to myself how fast the husband moved and how quickly I realized these weren't friends, and they weren't concerned if I was okay, they were coming to get me to have sex. The husband initially denied the idea of me leaving at 10 pm or whatever time it was. The wife who made the obvious comment this was a sexual visit had to tell him to take me. On the way home I asked to stop and get ice cream. It's the only thing that makes me feel better, while waiting in the line he reached over and grabbed my breast. I thought to myself, are you serious? Here it is I'm thinking maybe these two people care and I realized the husband now thought to test if my loyalty was to him. If I still wanted him or cared for him like me in my earlier 20's. I think he wanted to see if my response would change once she was not around. That was the most silent ride home I had ever had. Never heard from them again and do you think how that effected me bothered either one bit? Of course not. What does it matter, I'm just a "toy" as she put it.
Can you image being called a "toy" while eating at a restaurant you always wanted to go to? Working your minimum wage gig and finally getting you the cutest outfit only to be embarrassed and called a toy at a 5 star establishment. My distorted association with love literally hit a head as I listened to a song excited about the problems I strive so hard to overcome. "Toy" the Vice President of Macy's was calling me a toy and explaining to me how they were a toy until he decided to be with them. I didn't cry in front of them but I surely felt that in the pit of my stomach. I thought to myself, this is a world of money so maybe it's a compliment. This is a world of riches so hey it's better then being around poor and it hit me, the women I wanted to be growing up had gotten to the point they were out of touch with life. They had money, they were married but their bedroom was a revolving door for anyone to come in and enjoy having sex. This wasn't love, this was a serious problem that I had no clue I was dealing with. This was being used. Being used so bad it nearly killed me.
"If you not talking about sucking no d**k then stop texting me", another person's response to me accepting taking their number. I screamed in my bathroom, this is it. I'm putting everything out there that is done to me. No one is going to make it like I have mental issues to cover up what they've done. No one is going to make an excuse and alter my character, who I am, my goals and my intentions to say I deserved that, so I wrote and will continue to write.
I want to raise awareness of mental, verbal and sexual abuse. You watch people, you hear about it and you say well she's the poorer of them so something is wrong with her. I beg to ask, why can't people take money out of people's actions and look at what is done. Not their career, not who they know, not what connections they have, just the action within itself. Is that to much to ask or does that mean MeToo is only for the women who have access to the right people in the lime light that can speak on their behalf. Does having friendships mean that person condones rape. Or is it all fun and games until it happens to them. Until it happens to their daughters, until it happens to their sisters?
I don't know how I'm going to bring these things into awareness but I know I will. I always think, I remember being at the man's house who was easily 45 years old when 9/11 happened. I was supposed to be at cross country practice and decided to go to a guys house who cared nothing about my age. It mattered nothing to him I was in high school, literally had my team uniform with me and clearly was no older then a high school student. It meant nothing to him. All he wanted was sex and I see that pattern still exist. Here's the great thing about 2019 though, we have the ability to put these situations on front street. We have YouTube. SoundCloud, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and more that allow us to show what the person has done. This allows the person to take responsibility and not try and point fingers.
When I was a younger girl we did not have these platforms, it was not as easy for us to reach out to CNN, CNBC, ABC and more. There was no direct internet links to Chicago Sun Times, so when these predators asked us to do things we thought it was right. I am thankful for these platforms, it gives voices to the voiceless and I hope they continue to grow.
In closing be clear NEVER be ashamed and alter your "REAL LIFE" for someone who never walked in your shoes. They will try and tear you down but you have to remain strong. There are to many young girls that feel alone and feel they are the only one's for you to change your life to be perfect. Understand you are NOT perfect, however your storm was perfect. It may have hurt, you may have ended up in some horrible situations, you probably ended up with scars but you can teach someone survival. You can teach someone to see the beauty around them, even when things look like despair. Understand, it is not your job to alter your life to fit in. Maybe your not meant to fit in. That's a compliment to me. I don't think that's an insult. I think that means you have your own truth, NEVER ALTER YOUR TRUTH FOR SUPPORT. STAND BY YOUR TRUTH AT ALL TIMES. The right people will come, the right people will listen and the one's that need to hear it and be healed will hear it.
LOVE YOURSELF, EVERY SINGLE PART OF YOU. THE GOOD, GREAT, WORST, DESTROYED AND THE TOGETHER YOU. You only see what those people on camera's show, it does not mean they have everything in order. They probably are just as jacked up as you, they just have a better PR team to hide it.
LOVE YOU DEARLY,
SPEAK
Hey why hi! It's me Chanel Chambers and as you know by now yes I love fashion, yes I love music but more than anything I love bringing up pressing issues that deal with real life. The conversations people want to throw under the rug until it happens to them.
This blog entry is about the reality there are people in life that believe if you receive Link card, Section 8 or any government assistance to get on your feet then you deserve the harsh realities of the places, people and circumstances that comes with not have a thriving career.
I was shocked needless to say. This was a person who I had known for years, he and I were cool but I did not know his hands would be so tight on my throat after sending me a text and saying he wanted to apologize for not doing as he stated. I stopped moving in fear of killing him. Not in fear of him but in fear of the repercussions. I saw myself defending myself and not stopping and so I just got quite. "Are you afraid of me" those were the words he asked and I only thought to myself I'm afraid of you not getting up if I begin. "No" was my answer.
I am an American, born and raised on the south side of Chicago. Actually raised all over Chicago. I went to Beasley Academic Center for grammar school and would often be told to tell stories in front of the class by my teacher Ms. Williams. She would pick me every week at least once a week and I got to make up wonderful stories to tell to the other children usually during recess or snack time. Little did I know I would be preparing to tell my stories on stages world wide.
I want you to know and understand this is an actual event. This is not one of those cool stories that end with a wonderful laughing ending and gets the crowd going and everyone tells me how sweet I am. No, this is the behind the closed door battles I've had to deal with most of my life. The on going cycle of abuse and quit frankly I'm tired of it.
As he was getting ready to leave he asked me if we were still cool. I was so confused, had I brought this on myself. Was it because the only piece of furniture that was in my home was the "free" bed I received along with my apartment when I first got back to Chicago? Was it because I didn't have a job, or was I a walking billboard for abuse.
I began to realize I was people's escape goat to take their frustrations out on and as long as I was quite and unknown they could get away with it. In their mind, she has no money, she has no friends, she has no one, who will care. This is where this blog and future videos will come in.
She's a hoe, a whore, I slept with her. The excuses person's I reached out for help over and over used in the back of their mind why they never intervened. So I realized, only person who could save me was me.
In the past 5 years I had been hospitalized for suicide attempts, depression and literally almost losing my mind. I had black out spells due to being in my home and having slight anxiety attacks. These usually happened after I visualized and replayed in my mind what happened. Do you know what the person I had known for years wanted after I moved out of the shelter. The married couple came and got me from my new apartment which was based for veterans dealing with homelessness, cooked a meal, gave me a drink and the wife's response was "aww man Chanel I thought we were going to have sex". As I requested to go home the food and plates I was offered no longer were available. I thought to myself how fast the husband moved and how quickly I realized these weren't friends, and they weren't concerned if I was okay, they were coming to get me to have sex. The husband initially denied the idea of me leaving at 10 pm or whatever time it was. The wife who made the obvious comment this was a sexual visit had to tell him to take me. On the way home I asked to stop and get ice cream. It's the only thing that makes me feel better, while waiting in the line he reached over and grabbed my breast. I thought to myself, are you serious? Here it is I'm thinking maybe these two people care and I realized the husband now thought to test if my loyalty was to him. If I still wanted him or cared for him like me in my earlier 20's. I think he wanted to see if my response would change once she was not around. That was the most silent ride home I had ever had. Never heard from them again and do you think how that effected me bothered either one bit? Of course not. What does it matter, I'm just a "toy" as she put it.
Can you image being called a "toy" while eating at a restaurant you always wanted to go to? Working your minimum wage gig and finally getting you the cutest outfit only to be embarrassed and called a toy at a 5 star establishment. My distorted association with love literally hit a head as I listened to a song excited about the problems I strive so hard to overcome. "Toy" the Vice President of Macy's was calling me a toy and explaining to me how they were a toy until he decided to be with them. I didn't cry in front of them but I surely felt that in the pit of my stomach. I thought to myself, this is a world of money so maybe it's a compliment. This is a world of riches so hey it's better then being around poor and it hit me, the women I wanted to be growing up had gotten to the point they were out of touch with life. They had money, they were married but their bedroom was a revolving door for anyone to come in and enjoy having sex. This wasn't love, this was a serious problem that I had no clue I was dealing with. This was being used. Being used so bad it nearly killed me.
"If you not talking about sucking no d**k then stop texting me", another person's response to me accepting taking their number. I screamed in my bathroom, this is it. I'm putting everything out there that is done to me. No one is going to make it like I have mental issues to cover up what they've done. No one is going to make an excuse and alter my character, who I am, my goals and my intentions to say I deserved that, so I wrote and will continue to write.
I want to raise awareness of mental, verbal and sexual abuse. You watch people, you hear about it and you say well she's the poorer of them so something is wrong with her. I beg to ask, why can't people take money out of people's actions and look at what is done. Not their career, not who they know, not what connections they have, just the action within itself. Is that to much to ask or does that mean MeToo is only for the women who have access to the right people in the lime light that can speak on their behalf. Does having friendships mean that person condones rape. Or is it all fun and games until it happens to them. Until it happens to their daughters, until it happens to their sisters?
I don't know how I'm going to bring these things into awareness but I know I will. I always think, I remember being at the man's house who was easily 45 years old when 9/11 happened. I was supposed to be at cross country practice and decided to go to a guys house who cared nothing about my age. It mattered nothing to him I was in high school, literally had my team uniform with me and clearly was no older then a high school student. It meant nothing to him. All he wanted was sex and I see that pattern still exist. Here's the great thing about 2019 though, we have the ability to put these situations on front street. We have YouTube. SoundCloud, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and more that allow us to show what the person has done. This allows the person to take responsibility and not try and point fingers.
When I was a younger girl we did not have these platforms, it was not as easy for us to reach out to CNN, CNBC, ABC and more. There was no direct internet links to Chicago Sun Times, so when these predators asked us to do things we thought it was right. I am thankful for these platforms, it gives voices to the voiceless and I hope they continue to grow.
In closing be clear NEVER be ashamed and alter your "REAL LIFE" for someone who never walked in your shoes. They will try and tear you down but you have to remain strong. There are to many young girls that feel alone and feel they are the only one's for you to change your life to be perfect. Understand you are NOT perfect, however your storm was perfect. It may have hurt, you may have ended up in some horrible situations, you probably ended up with scars but you can teach someone survival. You can teach someone to see the beauty around them, even when things look like despair. Understand, it is not your job to alter your life to fit in. Maybe your not meant to fit in. That's a compliment to me. I don't think that's an insult. I think that means you have your own truth, NEVER ALTER YOUR TRUTH FOR SUPPORT. STAND BY YOUR TRUTH AT ALL TIMES. The right people will come, the right people will listen and the one's that need to hear it and be healed will hear it.
LOVE YOURSELF, EVERY SINGLE PART OF YOU. THE GOOD, GREAT, WORST, DESTROYED AND THE TOGETHER YOU. You only see what those people on camera's show, it does not mean they have everything in order. They probably are just as jacked up as you, they just have a better PR team to hide it.
LOVE YOU DEARLY,
SPEAK
Comments
Post a Comment